Mass Comm Theory: A-Team

Summary of Movie- Since the age of 5, Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) has been told that when men act like jerks, it means they like her. Years later, Gigi is now struggling to find true love while shifting through men who are simply not interested. After her latest date, Conor (Kevin Connolly), has failed to call her, Gigi visits a bar he said he frequented in order to see him.

There, she is approached by Alex (Justin Long), a friend of Conor's who works at the bar. Gigi claims she is waiting for Connor, since she needs to return a dentist's pen to him. However, Alex quickly sees through her lie, claiming Connor's dentist is his father (not the name written on the pen). Gigi admits that Connor is not expecting her, and explains her confusion over his lack of response. Alex tells her that Connor isn't interested, and then takes it upon himself to explain the "signs" to Gigi.

Meanwhile, Connor, having just left his date with Gigi, calls his girlfriend Anna (Scarlett Johansson). Anna is shopping in the supermarket and runs into Ben (Bradley Cooper). He tells her to go before him in line, citing an indecision about gum as the reason. Anna tells Connor she has to go, and, as she is checking out, is awarded a cooler as a 1000th visitor gift. The two exchange numbers outside when Ben says he knows someone who can help Anna with her singing career. After a few moments of hesitation, Ben admits that he is married. The two part, and Ben walks over to a car and gets in. Neil (Ben Affleck) then asks Ben what that was about. When Neil returns home, he is greeted by his girlfriend of seven years, Beth (Jennifer Aniston). She announces that her younger sister is getting married. Neil, who is in the kitchen making tea, tells Beth that he doesn't believe in marriage. Beth, who desperately wants to get married to Neil, doesn't understand why he dislikes the idea so much.

Ben meets his wife Janine (Jennifer Connelly) back at their new townhouse, currently being renovated. Gigi, excited about the tips Alex gave her, eagerly shares them with her coworkers, Janine and Beth. Gigi explains that if he's interested, he'll make the first move, and if he's not, he won't. When she claims that there are exceptions, but that the majority are not, she unintentionally implies that Neil will never marry Beth, since they have been together for 7 years and they haven't married yet. Beth confronts Neil when she goes home, saying she can't deal with it anymore. When Neil continues to refuse to get married, the two break up.

Why I chose to do the blog- The reason that I chose to do a blog comparing Deborah Tannen’s “Genderlect Theory” and the film “He’s Just Not That Into You,” is because both the theory and the film parallel one another in terms of showing that men and women communicate very differently in everyday situations. What we as humans fail to understand much of the time is why this miscommunication happens, and in doing this blog, I was hoping to explore some of these issues, and get to the bottom of why men and women, though similar on many levels, differ greatly in the ways they communicate and relate, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I was unable to find individual clips of the scenes, seeing as the film is not out on video yet, but I was able to acquire a bootleg copy of the film, hence the individual scene times for each of the scenes in which I portray the issues I focused in on. Also, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the movie, I attached a summary of exactly what the movie is about, and the precise gender and relationships issues being touched on, many of which I focus in on throughout the different blogs. Enjoy!

1- Biological Factors- Clip Example: Gigi being ‘lied to’ by her mother (0:30-1:30) In this first scene of the film, Ginnifer Goodwin’s character, Gigi, is being told by her mother that a young boy who treated her poorly really likes her, because boy’s who treat girls poorly, deep down, really like them. The point of the entire film is that from a young age, girl’s are made to believe that boy’s like them no matter what, whether the boy is treating the girl well or not, which is why so many girls and women have problems when it comes to reading what men are saying and doing on a regular basis. Tannen’s view? Well Tannen believes that men and women come from two different “cultures,” and that is why women cannot understand what men are saying and doing, because they are from a different culture with a different communication style. But what do you think? Do you think that men and women are just two different creatures or products of two different cultures that simply cannot relate much of the time, because of their differing cultural communication styles?

I think in a lot of ways this is an excuse for men to get off the hook for ignoring or neglecting women, or worse, for mistreating them when they simply do not have an interest in them. I also think that many times it can be difficult to interpret exactly how a man is feeling, because sometimes he may be acting standoffish towards a female to gain her attention, while other times he may be doing so to push her away. When this opposing behavior occurs, it becomes nearly impossible to understand what the man is thinking or feeling, which is exactly the point of the film, and precisely the reason behind the little girls’ look of confusion as her mother explains the boy’s behavior to her. For now, it is just an unresolved mystery as to why men think, feel, or act the ways that they do, so perhaps, a sequel to the movie will be coming soon.

2- Telling of stories and the differences between how men and women do this- Clip Example: Date in beginning of movie, Male vs. Female version of it (0:2:45-0:4:20)
In terms of stories, Tannen addresses the fact that men and women take different approaches to how they tell stories. Even though she states that the stories one tells relate to one’s hopes, needs, and values, the ways in which men and women go about telling them can be quite different. A man’s approach is consistent with his need for status, and that they tend to tell more stories than women, and usually more jokes within their stories, a way in which they build this status that they strive for. The overall goal of a man’s story is to top anyone else with the attention that he builds while telling the story, and hold the attention of his audience, while elevating himself, above his audience. Women on the other hand take a less heroic approach, and tend to express desire for community in telling stories of others. When a woman discusses a story of herself, it is usually one where she speaks of herself acting in a foolish manner, rather than a clever manner, thus putting herself on the same level with her audience and strengthening the support of those around her.

In regards to the clip, many of the points that Tannen addresses do not shine through. For one, Conor is short and to the point when he talks about his date, not joking in anyway whatsoever, and showing no need for status above his friend Alex. In regards to Gigi, she does not express any need for community in her story, and does not speak about acting foolishly at all, but instead, discusses how well she thought the date went. Although I do believe that many of Tannen’s points are true in regards to most stories that men and women tell, in this example, it was not reflected. I do think though that many times men tell stories to puff themselves up, and make themselves feel more masculine, hence, the humor within their stories, and the need for status. In terms of women, I feel that women tend to speak more about themselves that Tannen gives credit to, and although they do speak about others to gain the respect and attention of their peers, they also tend to speak about themselves a lot to ask advice, feel good about themselves, gain attention, and so on.

3- Report Talk- Clip Example: Neil on marriage (0:9:08-0:11:06)
Tannen discusses report talk as “the typical monologic style of men, which seeks to command attention, convey information, and win arguments” (Griffin 433). What she means by this is that men tend to avoid small talk, especially in a public situation, but in a private conversation and setting, a man tends to open up more to a woman, especially when passionate about something. She says that men can often times use talk as a weapon, hence the “one-up” status mentality that many men have when it comes to conversational style (Griffin 433).

In the clip with Beth and Neil, Neil uses report talk to convey his feelings against marriage to Beth, despite her feelings after seven years in a relationship of wanting to settle down permanently. Although Beth tries to show how she feels, Neil uses report talk by constantly interrupting her, and commanding attention by showing how unhappy their married friends around them are and how this would happen to them if they were to be married. By trying to win the argument through guilt-tripping her, Neil traps Beth from being able to fully have her say in the situation, and the issue is left unresolved still, seven years later.

My feeling is that like so many men, Neil is in a relationship with a woman whom he cares about, but who he really does not have any intention of ever fully settling down with, no matter what her wishes or intentions might be. Although at the end of the movie Neil’s character comes around and realizes that he cares more for Beth and the thought of losing her, than he does for his stubborn feelings against marriage, it sickens me to think about all of those relationships out there that are like this with women that are trapped by men who just won’t settle down. It just shows that Tannen is right in thinking that so many conversations that take place between men and women reflect men’s efforts to dominate women (Griffin 430). Although Neil’s character was just trying to be honest with Beth, I still feel that the bigger thing for him to have done is to let her go, seeing as he was only trapping her for seven years into thinking that things would eventually change. Even though the story was a happy ending for Beth in the film, so many times this is not the case for many women in real life, and like the story goes, movies are just fairy tales with fairy tale unrealistic happy endings.

4- Conversational Style/Rapport talk- Clip Example: Gigi, Beth, and Janine talking in beginning of movie about men and Gigi’s date with Conor (13:55-16:40)
As Tannen states, rapport talk is “the typical conversational style of women, which seeks to establish a connection with others” (Griffin 432). By this, Tannen means that women tend to focus more on a connection, whether with a significant other or friends, while men focus on status. Tannen speaks about rapport being about “solidarity,” and about one getting what they want out of a conversation. In terms of the clip from the film, Gigi is speaking with Beth and Janine about her date with Conor from the evening before, and wanting to establish a connection with them, just like she wanted to establish a connection with Conor the evening before. In both cases, Gigi is not demanding power, which Tannen discusses is not part of rapport, but rather is trying to get her point across and be understood.

In the clip, Gigi does not demand power in the situation with Conor, but instead becomes desperate in her attempts to gain his attention, hence in doing to the bar to see him when it quite obvious that he is not interested in her. Tannen discusses in her book “You Just Don’t Understand, Women and Men in Conversation,” that women often feel silenced by men, even though that is usually not the man’s intentions. However, in this case, it seems as though it is Conor’s intentions, despite what Gigi is trying to make herself believe for her own feelings of self-worth. What becomes confusing about Conor’s communication in this scene, and what makes Gigi act crazily, is his “Nice to meet you” comment at the end of their drinks. In saying this, it gives Gigi hope that he had a good time, and that a second date would occur, even though he was saying it out of pure pity in a sense. It is what Tannen refers to as men and women talking past one another, and what so much of her “You Just Don’t Understand” novel is based upon. In this case, it is the cross-cultural communication, as Tannen refers to it, that is occurring, and why Gigi has one completely different interpretation of the date and story of it than Conor does.

5- Use of Questions- (Tannen’s G&D)- pg. 166 Clip Example: Cigarette questioning scene by wife of husband (0:49:15-0:51:05)
Another point that Tannen addresses in regards to men and women is their different approaches to how they use questions. It is like the frequently known fact that men simply will not ask for directions when lost on a trip, and if help is needed, they must figure it out themselves, or the woman must eventually ask someone instead of the man. Tannen’s reasoning for this is that men would lose their self-respect by stopping to ask for directions or help, and by taking a few extra minutes to find their way themselves, they are saving their dignity. Women on the other hand tend to ask questions, because they wish to establish a connection with others, similar to the idea behind rapport talk. A sense of community can even be built in a brief stop for directions, says Tannen, and that is exactly the kind of connection that so many women seek. Also, Tannen says that when women state opinions, they tag them with a question at the end of the sentence, known as a “Tag question.” These questions are meant to soften a potential disagreement from occurring and driving people apart. (Example: “That was a good movie, Don’t you think?”) Tag questions are also ways of participating in open, friendly dialogue, but men see this as wishy-washy (Griffin 434). Tannen also discusses in her novel, “Gender and Discourse,” about how women tend to ask twice as many questions as men do, and they seek greater involvement in situations by asking questions. Also, she states that women ask real questions, seeking real answers for their questions, while men ask many more rhetorical questions, not needing an answer for every question that they ask (G&D 166).

In the clip, Janine is questioning Ben about whether or not he is still smoking cigarettes, seeing as she found some hidden outside, and her close relative died of lung cancer, and so it is something very passionate to her. As seen in this example, Janine builds a sense of community by wanting Ben to not smoke and be healthy, as well as wanting him to be courteous to her sensitivity on the subject since her relative died of lung cancer. Also seen, Janine asks twice as many questions as does Ben, especially in her angry state over the situation. While Janine’s questions are very real, because the situation in her eyes is real, Ben’s questions are somewhat rhetorical, as he makes light of the situation. I feel that in this scene it only becomes prevalent how horrid a character Ben really is and how awful he treats Janine, and yet how blind she is to it. It makes me quite sick to my stomach to see how Ben could be so deceiving, and yet it is so realistic to everyday life, in that this kind of scenario happens all of the time. To Tannen though, it could just be a miscommunication.

6- Conflict- Differences among men and women Clip Example: Home Depot fight scene (1:15:30-1:17:40)

As Tannen describes, the issue of conflict is handled differently by both men and women. To men, life is seen as a contest, and therefore, men are more comfortable with acting out in anger and in conflicting situations than women. As with women before, connection is a big deal, and therefore, conflict is seen as a threat to that connection, and is to be avoided at all costs. Also dealing with conflict, men tend to notice more easily than women when they are being told what to do, which is why they tend to backfire and lash out more easily than women when this occurs (Griffin 435).

In the Home Depot scene from the film, Ben and Janine are facing the fact that Ben has cheated on Janine. Unlike what Tannen says though, Janine lashes out fairly quickly at Ben, in small spurts though, seeing as she does not want to cause a scene in public, nor does she want to worsen the situation anymore. Ben however, does very little in reacting, especially considering that he is the root of the problem in the first place, and he himself does not want to make the situation any worse as well. What is interesting to see here is how weak Janine’s character continues to be, even after it is confirmed that Ben is truly treating her poorly, and it is not longer just a guess in her mind, but now a fact out in the open. As Tannen also discusses, men tend to make excuses for their behavior so much of the time, and this is seen so much throughout the film by Ben, as well as during the fight scene when he claims that it was a mistake, and yet he then continues to cheat on her for the remainder of the movie. I know that it is probably very difficult being with someone that you love and finding out that they have cheated on you, but if someone did the things to me that Ben did to Janine, and it was confirmed for me that they did them, I would be out the door in a second, no questions asked.

7- Amount of talk, Interruption as Dominance- Clip Example: Affleck and Anniston on Boat at end of movie (1:46:15-1:49:05)
As obvious as it may be to anyone, men and women have different ways that they speak and different amounts of how much they speak. According to Tannen, men for the most part do more talking than women, seeing as it is an issue of dominance and power for them. But this is not the case in all situations, and certainly not in the scene that I chose to display. In this case, it is what Tannen refers to as “Interruption as Dominance.” This is when both parties are speaking, and yet one takes over by completely dominating the situation, or when one party is speaking, the other completely interrupts and will not let the other chime back in, no matter what. It is more of a male tactic, especially when men refuse to speak to gain power, and yet females use it as well (G&D 56).

In terms of the clip, Beth and Neil are on Neil’s boat discussing marriage once more, and yet Beth will not let Neil speak, seeing as she wishes to dominate the conversation. Even though Neil tries to interrupt, trying to gain his status and power as a male as Tannen discusses, Beth refuses to let him in her actions and words, and dominates until her point is across. What is important to see here is that Beth is standing up for herself, even though she cares deeply for Neil, unlike Janine ever standing up against Ben and his misbehavior. Despite the different communication styles, both the men and the women should be allowed to present their views, something that Tannen strongly points out in her novel “You Just Don’t Understand.” What Tannen points out though is that so many times, men and women feel that their views are not understood or heard, especially by significant others, and this is especially the case with women. I think that it was very strong of Beth’s character to stand up against Neil in her situation, especially considering that for seven years she had sat back and done nothing. I feel that if Janine had been able to do so with Ben, it may have been able to save their marriage, or at least have fixed their situation a lot sooner.

Works Cited Griffin, Em. Communication, Commuication, Communication, A First Look at Communication Theory. McGraw-Hill, New York, 2009. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/synopsis Tannen, Deborah. Gender & Discourse. Oxford University Press, New York, 1994. Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don’t Understand, Women and Men in Conversation. HarperCollins Publishers Inc. New York, 2001.